Toe the Line. A Series of Events. No Lifelines
I’ll make myself go on and on about the singular facet to my-dare i say- inevitable teeming crisis. We are in a space car, propelling through troughs and crests. Who cares how we do not shit our pants or choke on our anxieties? My lover. We’ve got…darn, don’t generalize boy! I’ve got latches and lids I pull. They afford me avenues to take floats and suspend these rides. More like I take intermittent breaks at fuel stations. During this very much needed respites, I either get so morphed and dumb I do not know anything and I find myself Iulling or I get so buzzed my head bangs and my crisis, compare to this current trip, becomes very inconsequential. The saddest thing is that I can only afford this hiatus once in every three months. I must continue on my trip, or I won’t catch up. Wherever destination is, I do not know. We are all in this space car, do not forget.
As it is, I will spend a better part of my existence in a pseudo state. There is an abundant awareness of how original I can be and the essential truths are not scarce. However, I have come to realise that they are diseases and they are highly infectious. Pursuing my individuality is a threat to the controls that be and it weakens the purpose of this trip. We must be a collective and there must be a common denominator to our existential pursuits. I am scared. I do not want some prescribed pills to cure or correct my rabid yearn to be free. A more tedious process is spending long hours in the lobby of a Shrink, waiting to be diagnosed with some fancy words. It is like the more I try to filter the characters at play (in a bid to take lead role) some actors come on from the backstage. It is a constant tussle. I can be resolute, break free during one of my floats. It is easier to follow through with this present charade though. I’m not strong.
Boy, there is no time for my tantrums! I must not think. I cannot think! I shall fall in line, stay in line and board this space car. I cannot say there is anything more important than the journey we are on. We are past the moon. Remember I do not know where we…where I am going.
